All About Woman Tips

Do all women ejaculate?

2008-07-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

The evidence is inconclusive on whether all women have the ability to ejaculate. If the presence of fructose is designed to play an important role in reproduction, one might hypothesize that all women should have the ability to ejaculate, barring those with physical anomalies, removed Skene’s Glands, disease, or hereditary disorders. However, in some studies researchers did not notice expulsion of fluid during stimulation.
In the Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking, The Ultimate in Female Ecstasy, author Leonardi states: “...a combination of physical technique and psychological security were absolutely necessary in order for a woman to have ejaculatory orgasms.” Many of the accounts in Mr. Leonardi’s book indicate the need for a strong emotional bond to be established prior to successful female ejaculations.
If this is true, it could explain why some laboratory studies fail, whereas others (conducted in a more natural atmosphere) can often succeed, especially those done by researchers who willingly provide “in home” examination or testing. (As demonstrated in the 10-step technique, we feel emotional bonding is a key ingredient to success). It has also been hypothesized that, because many woman are reclined during intercourse or stimulation, the fluid is retrogradeejaculated into the bladder and is later released during urination.
In The G Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality, the authors state: “Some women may experience retrograde ejaculation if the fluid shoots into the bladder rather than out the
urethra. ”. This condition might be characterized by a woman feeling a need to urinate after orgasm, but, when doing so, only releasing a small amount of clear or milky fluid. Along these lines, Cabello, author of Female Ejaculation, Myth or Reality, tested the hypothesis that all women may ejaculate, but some may retrograde ejaculate and therefore might be unaware of the ejaculation, since the fluid becomes mixed with urine in the bladder and is later released during urination.
Of 212 completed and usable surveys we received in doing research for this guide, 48% of women responding reported either they did not ejaculate or were unsure if they had ejaculated. On the opposite side of the gamut, 5% reported ejaculating before orgasm and 47% reported ejaculating during G-Spot orgasm. Of these 110 women who reported ejaculating, 101 reported the incident was their first known ejaculation. Eight others stated they had ejaculated in the past, while one woman informed us she commonly ejaculates with stimulation of the breasts, clitoris, and vagina.

The Phenomenon of Female Ejaculation

2008-07-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

Beyond intimacy, one other clarification needs to be made before we start covering the technique. Modern society tends to propel the myth that G-Spot orgasms and female ejaculation are the same occurrence. And while the two often do occur together, it’s important to realize they are separate wonders—not one entity. For simplification, we’ll explore this topic through a “question/answer” format.
If G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation aren’t the same, what exactly is “Female Ejaculation”?
Female ejaculation occurs when a women “ejaculates” fluid (usually different than urine) from her urethra during sexual arousal or orgasm.
Where does this fluid come from?
Surrounding the urethra and running to the neck of the bladder lies a network of glands, ducts, and nerves called the “Skene’s Paraurethral Glands”. As we mentioned earlier, these glands are the female counterparts to the male prostrate. The Skene’s Glands are the source of female ejaculate.
If it’s not urine, what is this fluid?
The fluid is typically described as “clear” or “milky”, having little or no odor, and a sweet taste. However, as with male secretion, the taste may change due to dietary intake or possibly as part of the menstruation cycle. The primary chemical makeup of the fluid is glucose, fructose,
prostate specific antigen (PSA) and prostatic acid phosphatase (PAP). The fluid may also contain traces of urine.
Interestingly enough, fructose is one of the components present in male ejaculation. Its primary job is to mobilize the spermatozoa. While it was once believed that male fructose was the sole propellant of spermatozoa, the presence of fructose in female ejaculate would evidence the contrary. Instead of passively waiting for spermatozoa to “swim” to the egg, the female plays an equally active role in the reproduction process by infusing her own fructose and ushering the spermatozoa’s movement, thus increasing the probability for successful fertilization.
Because of this, we feel the physical purpose of female ejaculation is to aid in the mobilization of spermatozoa. And while it may not be scientifically proven, it stands to reason that stimulation
of the G-Spot and the female prostate may be a beneficial pursuit for couples facing problems with conception.
As another interesting note, early forensic medicine checked rape victims (and/or spots on their clothing) for the presence of acid phosphatase, to prove rape had occurred. Research on female ejaculate has since proven this test has no forensic value since female ejaculation contains acid phosphatase.

To Orgasm, or Not to Orgasm?

2008-07-14T10:55:00.000-07:00

That is the question many people ask themselves during intercourse. Because you purchased this book, it’s highly probable you would enjoy seeing your mate experience a “blended orgasm”.
And it warrants mentioning here, your display of unselfishness and caring is commendable. However, while the thought of seeing our mate experience a blended G-Spot/clitoral orgasm may be appealing, we must learn to “walk” before we can “run”.
As we learn to “walk”, the first mental step is learning and accepting that people choose to orgasm. Deciding to orgasm is a personal choice. No one can “give” or “will” another person an orgasm—no more than you could “will” a stranger to remove their clothing.
We each make individual choices concerning “if” or “when” we will achieve orgasm—often without conscious deliberation of the subject. For those who are highly orgasmic, the sheer act of
removing clothing (or allowing it to be removed) may mark the decision. For others, the decision may not be concluded until stimulation or coitus is underway and “the waters are tested”, often mere seconds before orgasm. Others release their reservations in layers. Like an autumn tree shedding its leaves, they slowly drop inhibitions, as they grow resoundingly secure and comfortable with the relationship. And yet others refuse ever to relinquish control, usually from fear of self-humiliation, or to avoid appearing too “wanton” or “loose”. Along the way to making the decision, there are several determining factors ensconced within the decision-making process. In order to “let go” and orgasm, most people need to feel secure with their partner. We need to feel good about ourselves, safe at the location, and comfortable with what’s happening to our bodies.
These factors are more prevalent if we’re with a new partner or trying a new experience. While “new” can be exciting, the excitement is fueled by the suspense of not knowing what to expect. And because we don’t know what to expect, we reserve judgment until late into the process.
All of this is important to consider as you administer the GSpot technique. As you may recall, one of the four most common descriptions we receive about the G-Spot experience is: “It felt very different from previous orgasms”. Because of this, at some unknown point while you’re applying the G-Spot technique, your partner will realize something new and very exciting is happening
to her. She will then have to decide whether “to orgasm, or not to orgasm”.
Deciding whether or not to reveal the G-Spot technique is up to you. If you tell your mate beforehand of your plans to administer the G-Spot technique, you may set up to be a victim of “orgasm anxiety” (discussed later). On the other hand, if she senses something new and unknown is happening to her (while you’re applying the G-Spot technique) she may “hold back” and delay or inhibit the orgasm due to the uncertainty of what she’s feeling.
It’s a catch-22 situation and you should remember this as you go. We recommend that you don’t initially mention your plan to administer the technique. Instead, be aware that at some point during your administration, she will sense this “new and exciting” wave of pleasure building within her. Watch for the signs of her uncertainty. When you see these signs, begin reassuring her that you know what’s occurring and understand it. (“I know what’s happening to you. It’s okay. I’m here. Just enjoy what you feel”).
The same thinking holds true with blended orgasms. While we encourage the pursuit of blended orgasms, don’t overwhelm her by trying to make the first G-Spot orgasm a “blended G-Spot/ clitoral orgasm”. Take it one step at a time. After she grows familiar with G-Spot experiences, gaining both confidence and understanding, she’ll be better suited (if not eager) to explore the bold world of blended orgasms.

HOW MASTURBATION HELPS MEN SEPARATE LOVE AND SEKs

2008-07-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

Men’s deals with mother influence and distort their sexual lives too, but they don’t demand the sacrifice of masturbation, of the freedom to choose whether to touch themselves or not. Indeed, masturbation was one of the best tools the man had as a boy in learning emotional separation from mother.
He may begin life in love with mother, seeing himself mirrored in her eyes, even wanting to be like her, softness, empathy, and gentleness being what he loves most about her. But early on he learns he must be different, must go away from her, deny those feminine parts in himself that are like her. He must be “a little man.” The first and most obvious way he knows he is different from her and like a man is his penis. It is a visible sign, a familiar part of himself that he is used to touching, if only to urinate throughout the day.
By the time he is twelve or thirteen, he has learned that his penis has a life of its own. Without even being touched, his penis swells and ejaculates. It can be a frightening experience but a valuable lesson, too: his body is telling him that he is a sexual person unto himself. Before he even comprehends the meaning of sex, his body is teaching him. With his own hand he
gives himself an erection.
He may be filled with enormous guilt when he touches himself, but defying mother’s rules, risking the loss of her love, wins him something too: he now feels different from her, less feminine, more masculine. And besides, he soon finds that he has not lost her love at all. She does not abandon him! That was a baby boy’s fear, a bargain he made when he couldn’t live without
mommy. Well, life has taught him he can be sexual, different, and separate from her and be loved by her too. It is the learning process working at its best, practicing something again and again until finally it is believed.
Masturbation becomes part of growing up into his own male identity. It is the reality principle that most little girls dare not test. Soon, in the company of other little boys, he reinforces what he has been learning on his own. Masturbating together, competing with one another over who can shoot the farthest, being bad, being dirty – and no girls allowed! – becomes a preadolescent rite of passage away from women and into manhood.
In an interview, one man tells me that when he was twelve, he used to masturbate in the powder room, just a few feet away from where the family was having dinner. He could have gone upstairs, where he couldn’t hear them, where they couldn’t overhear him. But terrifying as it was, he needed to challenge his mother’s asexual rules, to have his orgasm on her territory,
her pretty powder room.
Yes, he would have aroused the wrath of his father, too, if he had been discovered. But his father’s rules had only recently entered his nearadolescent life. It was not his father who had bathed, fed, and loved him in the first years of life. It wasn’t father who had lovingly kissed his little penis after a sweet warm bath and then moments later taken the boy’s hand away from it. Mothers think these acts are innocent; but on such “innocence” (for which a father bathing his daughter would be jailed) is built a man’s lifelong confusion of women’s adoration and disapproval of his genitals. Whose penis is it anyway? In his defiant masturbation, he makes his
ownership absolutely clear.
Tough, macho slang for masturbation further enhances separation. “Jerking off,” “beating my meat,” “choking the chicken,” – any words that are dirty and different from “girl talk” are practiced again and again. The boy’s vocabulary may not be on target, but he wants the dirty word for the dirty act. Another man tells me that when he was eight or nine, he and his pals would stop in a hidden vacant lot on the way to school and have a group bowel movement. They called what they were doing the Fucking Club. All they knew was that it was bad. If the story offends your Nice Girl sensibility, that is exactly what the Fucking Club intended. Am I making a romantic idyll out of boyish masturbation, halcyon days of bonding in circle jerks? When I read these pages to my husband, he reminds me that not all boys have happy memories of either solitary or group masturbation. But how can a man understand what it’s like for us women? Surely, it is relative. Only recently have I begun to encounter women who njoyed the sexually freeing experience of sitting in a group with other little girls and masturbating. Yes, I understand the guilt the boy/man feels; I’ve read thousands of masturbatory fantasies that reflect the guilt, but they do it, they masturbate anyway and in spite of the guilt. And each time they do it, they learn once again the electric shock of orgasm, that they are sexually alive, all by themselves.
When young girls do come along, entering the boy’s life as abruptly as a devastatingly beautiful early spring day, he is overwhelmed with a mix of emotion. His desire for the girl has an intensity that pulls him away from the camaraderie of boys upon which he had come to depend; former com rades now become rivals. He wants the girl but doesn’t want to lose his still fresh independence.
Part of what he feels when he walks in the moonlight with the girl is a romantic rush, a human desire that is linked exclusively to neither male nor female. But for the boy romance threatens to pull him back into the female- dominated oneness from which he so recently escaped. Romance is a mystery. The sexual feeling, however, is not. When he puts his arm around the girl and kisses her, the other rush he feels is known, no mystery at all. It is a feeling that he recognizes because his penis is erect. Terrified as he may be of sexual intercourse, not yet even ready for it, he knows nonetheless that what he is feeling is exactly what he feels when he masturbates.

WHAT Woman WIN FROM MASTURBATION

2008-07-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

Could the full-voiced women in this book give up the joy of masturbation? There is always some risk. Could men? Never. The fact that men masturbate is a given, as obvious as the penis between their legs. Mother may not like it when her little boy touches his penis; she tsk-tsks and takes his hand away, but ultimately she doesn’t want to interfere in her son becoming a man. What does she know about men? If anatomy is destiny, then man is destined to masturbate. He may do it with guilt and the torments of hell pounding in his ears, but he does it anyway. That is how men are, we shrug, animals, driven by their testosterone.
Society says it is not how women are. Since time began, a “good mother” takes her daughter’s hand away from her vagina with far more determination than she applies to her son and his penis. Mothers know everything there is to know about being a woman: Nice Women don’t masturbate.
That is why the women in this article are so significant historically. They are the first generation to grow up with a semblance of sexual acceptance, an ease with masturbation. Will they give their daughters a middle ground between madonna and whore? Will they change the course of women’s sexual history? It is by no means certain they will.
Seks and economics are inextricably linked. Today man’s economic supremacy is endangered. There is one known, tested solution that could return us to the good old days, for which some part of our unconscious still hankers because it was how our parents grew up and their parents before them: cut a woman off from her seks. Return women to our traditional asexual role, deprive us of the right to our own body, deprive us of contraceptive rights and the right to abortion, make seks the unenjoyable chore it once was. We will be on the fast track with our feet bound. We will be good wage earners, but remain chattel.
Does that sound extreme? I believe it is reality. Nor do I blame men alone for this growing tidal wave that may ultimately wash women back into some new form of sexual slavery; there are just as many women as men who would like to return us to that time when all women were equal in asexuality.
When I began this essay, I didn’t see female masturbation as the powerful symbol I now believe it to be. Until I saw a grotesque drawing of a woman’s genitals before and after a clitoridectomy, I had no image of the lengths to which people will go to keep women “in their place.” Surgically
remove all traces of seks from between a woman’s legs, wipe it clean so that nothing remains but a wound, a scarred slit, and wonder of wonders, the world can rest.
Today, as we are a more “enlightened” people, a mental clitoridectomy will suffice. Projected early enough onto a young female mind, the “ugly” slit between our legs is as untouchable as one of the vaginas butchered by the high-minded doctors of earlier times. Because the taboo against female masturbation is so deeply embedded, let us think of ways of not losing the ground we’ve so recently won as expressed by the young women in this book. Our best defense is to make ourselves so consciously aware of what masturbation wins for women that we can’t, won’t unconsciously slip back:
1. Masturbation teaches us that me are sexual all by ourselves, separate from anyone, including mother.
2. Masturbation is an excellent exercise in learning to separate love and sex, a lesson especially important for women mho confuse the two.
3. By teaching ourselves what excites us, me become more orgasmic and better sexual partners, responsible for our share, capable of giving pleasure, better able to give direction in what it is that excites us.
4. If we are loath to touch what lies between our legs, our revulsion spreads, leaving us eternally dissatisfied with the acceptability of the rest of our bodies.
5. Masturbation teaches us the difference between our clitoris, labia, urethra, and vagina.
6. Masturbation makes us far better candidates for contraceptive responsibility as well as for the sexual education of our children.
7. Last and most obvious, masturbation is one of life’s greatest sources of sexual pleasure, thrilling in itself, a release from tension, a sweet sedative before sleep, a beauty treatment that leaves us glowing, our countenance more tranquil, our smile more mysterious. As one of the women in this book puts it, “Masturbation and fantasy is when I am most honest about myself. “

What is Female Ejaculation?

2008-01-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

Until recently female ejaculation has been thought to be the property of either porn queens or has been dismissed by in large to be urination or incontinence, even though the ejaculate does not have the same appearance, smell, or chemical properties as urine. This is mostly in part do to ignorance and may be a little envy on the part of men with the attitude of "NOW THEY CAN EJACULATE TOO! What's next?", who would rather just dismiss it or brush it aside than to feel intimidated or threatened by it. It is a shame that people fear what they don't understand rather than to explore it to gain knowledge and insight. Another block to the mass education and acceptance of female ejaculation is the fact that many feminists, and sex educators fear that if female ejaculation becomes accepted as normal then women who don’t have ejaculatory orgasms may somehow feel pressured to ejaculate or be viewed as some how lacking or deficient because they are unable to ejaculate when compared to women that do ejaculate. But as time goes on we find that women have a far greater capacity for sexual pleasure than ever thought of before i.e. multiple orgasms, G-spot orgasms, and now female ejaculation. So this promising new territory in female sexuality has been passed over, and rarely explored in depth for whatever reason. If you were to ask most gynecologist or medical doctors about female ejaculation they would most likely will tell you that it's just urine. Most medical doctors really don’t know much about human sexuality other than just the basic function and related diseases. If extensive studies have not been published and that particular doctor has not read them (and most doctors are too busy to read all of the studies) they will just fall back on what they learned in school or heard from another doctor. This has been the case with female ejaculation as it has been dismissed as urinary incontinence at the time of orgasm. Just as if you ask a doctor if penis enlargement is possible they will tell you it’s not except for surgery. Which I know for a fact is absolutely false. Doctors are not trying to mislead you, it’s just that many are not well informed about certain aspects of human sexuality. It has taken many years just for the G-spot to come in to it's own let alone the possibility of female ejaculation. Many woman have experienced female ejaculation for years, and others have occasionally experienced it, but had buried this sexual treasure so to speak, to avoid ridicule and shame from their lovers and society for the fear that there was something wrong with them. And still many women have never experienced it for they did not even consider the possibility.
Still, not a lot is known or understood about female ejaculation. In some cases only G-spot stimulation will induce an ejaculatory orgasm, in others clitoral stimulation will work just as well. And there are some women who ejaculate every time they have any type of orgasm, clitoral or G-spot. And for other women it rarely occurs at all. We also find that of the women who do have ejaculatory orgasms, quite a few of them only are able to do this alone and not able to do so with a lover. This could be due to not being relaxed enough with their partner or for fear of judgment from their lover. It is also possible that for whatever reason they are not reaching a high enough state of arousal or receiving adequate stimulation when they are with their partner. With all of these variables it's no wonder that we have been at a loss, except for the occasional hit and miss or the squirter (a woman that ejaculates with every orgasm, as she has been slangly termed). With medical science being focused on disease rather than pleasure not to mention the lack of attention paid to woman's health issues in general, it is no surprise that the medical community is not the place to look for answers. So it seems to be left to us the explorers, the lovers and the squirters themselves to inform those willing to listen and try something new. In actuality female ejaculation is not new at all, it's been around as long as women have been around. The ancient Chinese Taoists called it the Yin Tide, and in the eastern practice of Tantra, the fluid is called amrita, or divine nectar and it was regarded to be very beneficial to both the woman and her lover. I personally believe that female ejaculatory orgasms are more a forgotten ability than a new discovery.

What is the G-Spot?

2008-01-24T07:50:00.000-08:00

The G-Spot is actually a mass of spongy erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra internally know as the urethral & pariurethal sponges. The G-Spot was named after Dr. Ernst Grafenberg who was one of the first doctors to bring attention to the area when he published an article in 1944 locating the area. While the attention and awareness brought to the G-spot is has increased over the last 50 years the spot it's self is not new and has been around as long as women have been and as been known of by the Ancient Taoist and Tantric Sex practitioners as evidenced in their writings where they make references to both the spot and female ejaculation. There are a few books about the G-spot most of them will bore you with a long history of scientific studies. That is not my goal here. This is a “How To” manual so I will leave the history essays and scientific studies to those other books and concentrate here on what I find most useful. Because I don’t believe it’s necessary to have to read through 30 pages of history and another 50 pages of footnotes and scientific documentation about the G-spot in order to learn how to have a G-spot orgasm.
Where is the G-Spot?
This question seems to cause much confusion for many men and women. In a long running survey that I have on the web (which I will share with you later in this manual many of the responses) where I ask women if they have had a G-Spot orgasm some of the women have even responded with answers like " Oh yeah, my G-spot is my feet!" Or "Mine is on my leg!" While every woman may have very pleasurable spots or locations all over their bodies THOSE ARE NOT their G-Spots!
The G-Spot or as I have heard it termed even more accurately the G-Spot Area or GSA is located on the front wall of the woman's vagina about 1 ½”- 2" inches inside right behind the clitoris and pubic bone. Most of the time the spot is in the 11:00 to 1:00 O'Clock position if you are looking at her from the front.
The G-Spot swells during sexual stimulation and is between the size of a dime to a nickel, however the whole area or region around the G-Spot may be very sensitive to sexual stimulation hence forth the term G-Spot Area or GSA as I will refer to it from time to time. Later in this manual I will not only give you exact instructions on how to locate the G-Spot on your partner (or on your own body) with your hand and how to stimulate it properly manually and during intercourse. But first I want to give you a little background on the phenomenon of Female Ejaculation first.

Fourteen surefire lessons you will come across by experience:

2008-01-24T07:46:00.000-08:00

The only person who appreciates your gifts is the person who is in love with you anyway, without the gifts.
“If he takes two steps forward, don’t trust him because he wants something. If he takes two steps back, then he didn’t get what he wanted, so he’s now acting like a jerk.”
The competition is always a jerk.
If you’re interested in someone, their best friend and confidante secretly has a murderous hatred for you.
(Murphy’s Law) On a date, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Real men don’t make the first move. Women supply the hint. Men supply the specifics.
Everything goes wrong on a camping trip.
No matter who you are, somebody in the world will have a crush on you, sometime in your life; the hard part is getting yourself to have a crush on them.
Flirting does not mean they like you; it means the person’s flirting.
The man always apologizes, even if it’s not his fault.
When two people break up, the man sees it as sudden and shocking. The woman sees it as a long chain of events ending in a breakup.
Men are always interested in the same women as other men are. The rest of the women are backup plans.
Women are always interested in the same men as other women are. The rest of the men are backup plans.
Older girls consider money first and physical attraction second.

Tips for Nice Guys

2008-01-24T06:15:00.001-08:00

In romance there are both disadvantages and advantages to being nice. First, why do people think “nice guys finish last” ? The “nice guy” is a truly nice guy. Usually, he's saving himself for an ideal girl, wondering why he never gets a chance to meet someone special. While he's wondering when he'll meet that special person, another girl falls in love with him. But Mr. Nice guy doesn't want to be cruel and lead her on. So he acts nice to her and becomes a friend or an acquaintance instead of a boyfriend.
No problem, right? Wrong. Remember last chapter’s trade up theory? Guys in relationships (even relationships that are a sham) are desired by women more and also trusted more than single guys are. Men without girlfriends aren't trusted and are suspected of ulterior motives, desperation, emotional hangups, or a predatory sexual agenda. Most lonely men are nice. First of all, they work and they study hard. The schedule is tough and there aren't many girls in the work place or classes, so they rarely meet women.
In addition, these men are far too nice to trade up-- because it involves exploiting so-called girlfriends and getting rid of them when it is convenient. Nice guys are too moral to do this. Finally, they are too honest to pretend to be someone whom they aren't in order to join the “in” crowd. As a result, they enjoy far less popularity than traders. Another disadvantage for nice guys is that they would rather meet a girl directly than be unfaithful to a girlfriend and pretend the meetings are innocent of desire. So they can never set up a “safety net” in the case of an impending breakup. Honesty, integrity, and respect for human feelings are precisely the reason why nice guys lose popularity; they can’t play social games.
What about the nice, but homely girl? A boy asks her out, but she says no because she’s saving herself for the right person. No problem, right? Wrong. Her Mr. Right is busy drooling over a busty brainless babe, and couldn’t care less about girls with nice personality.
In romance, people don't judge you by your qualities. They pre-judge you by other criteria such as beauty or height, and then from this pool of pre-selected people they begin to look at your individual qualities. Often the people who don’t fit the beauty or height criteria simply aren’t considered when it comes time to notice other characteristics. In a way, each of us has two opposite options. For men, it’s the choice between being a nice guy, an idealist who saves himself for the perfect woman, or being a trade up strategist who uses women as a stepping stone to other, more attractive women. For women, it’s a choice between concentrating on improving personality, character, and education, or concentrating on physical appearance. Most of us fall somewhere in between these two choices. Most Trader type guys merely deny that they are exploiting people and convince themselves they have learned the wisdom of compromise. They conveniently go out with women they don’t like because the perfect woman is completely unobtainable. And most Nice Guy types are not truly doomed to solitary and unpopular lives because not all girls are attracted to only popular guys. Some girls actually like Mr. Nice Guy. So nice guys actually get a few good chances at romance. By the same line of reasoning, women can concentrate on other attributes besides beauty, and still have time for beauty. So while men can be part nice guy and part trader, women can also be part beauty and part character.

Ten surefire ways to decrease your popularity:

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Save yourself for the perfect person. Only date people you are interested in, to prevent “leading people on.” People will suspect you of being either snobbish or unpopular.
Wear what feels comfortable, not what’s stylish. People will think you have no fashion sense.
Speak about what’s important to you; not just the “in” topics. People will find you confusing.
Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means disagreeing with people. People will find you abrasive.
Call things the way you honestly see them. People will find you threatening.
Indulge in unfashionable hobbies. People will find you weird.
Be seen with unpopular people. People will try not to be seen with you.
Do things alone. People will pity you.
Disregard matters of personal hygiene. People will find you disgusting.
Neglect eye contact. Stare away or at people’s chests when you speak to them. People will find you untrustworthy.

Ten surefire ways to increase your popularity:

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Always be seen in the company of a person of the opposite sex.
(Women) Get cosmetic surgery or use makeup and clothing to alter peoples’ perception of your shape. (Men) Wear platform shoes and bulkier clothing up top.
Buy showy high status objects (cars, houses, etc.), jewelry, clothing, etc.
Join the “in” crowd, club, business, or organization.
Always appear upbeat, happy, and friendly to everybody.
Never let people see you think or engage in planning.
Converse about “in” topics, fashionable pastimes, or people.
Never say anything negative about others.
Never disagree with anyone or say anything that goes against popular thought.
If you are in the limelight, get a very thick skin. Once you get popular, people will take verbal shots at you and your reputation. Get ready for their rumors or insults.

POPULARITY AND SECURITY FOR

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For women, the biggest ticket to instant popularity with men is physical appearance. Men love thin bodies, high heels, and attractive eyes; they are absolute fools for beauty, even artificial beauty caused by cosmetics or surgery such as liposuction, breast implants, tummy tucks, dermal abrasion, and facelifts. If a woman has beauty and doesn’t say much, young men will credit her with wit, compassion, intelligence, humor, charm, and kindness even if she has none of these. As long as the woman possesses beauty and doesn’t say much, the man will be a fool.
A woman without beauty, however, is in the same predicament as a man without height. She must rely on other attributes such as social status, good character, and financial status to attract men.
Can a woman use the trade up strategy? No. Not in the same way as men. A man who has a girlfriend or wife is more attractive to new women. But a woman who has a husband or boyfriend is neither more attractive or less attractive to new men. However, a woman can certainly stay in a relationship until the relationship outlives its usefulness, dumping her man for a richer guy when the opportunity presents itself.

THE TRADE UP THEORY for increasing the popularity

2008-01-16T07:36:00.000-08:00

“Trade up theory” is another strategy that some guys use to meet women. Basically, these men don't care whether or not they like a girl when she becomes their girlfriend. They just use any old girlfriend in order to look more popular, and thus enhance their own attractiveness to other girls. When they find a better girl, they dump their present admirer since she has outlived her usefulness. This is called “trading up.” They dump girlfriend number one and graduate to the more attractive girl, who is usually a friend or acquaintance of the first girl. Then they hang on to the second girl until an even better girl comes along, and so on, and so on. They continue to trade up as far as they can go until they are halted by marriage or bad luck.
There are two advantages to using the trade up strategy. One is that other girls see you with a girlfriend, and immediately your popularity gets a boost. The second advantage is that women will trust you more readily than they would trust a single guy. They would never trust a single
guy because he’s always “looking for something.” But about you, they would think to themselves, “Well it's safe to go out a few times with him. He doesn't have any ulterior motives
since he already has a girlfriend.”
Under the guise of having a girlfriend, a good trade up strategist will increase this “safe contact” with other, trusting, female friends, until the “friendly relationship” with them is at the point of sexual attraction. At that point, the trade up strategist would dump his girlfriend and go out with the new girl. During the process of breaking up, the strategist could even go to the prospective new girl for “advice,” and have her feel sorry for him and console him.
Do women mind when men play the trade up game? It sounds terrible, but women are convinced that this is the way all men already operate. In fact, they play the same game, usually as a precaution against betrayal. Because of their innate understanding of the trade up game, women hate to lose their boyfriends to “the other woman.” The other woman is supposedly “a step up,” and represents an insult to the first woman's self esteem. So women generally try to hang on to their boyfriends. At the same time, many girls intuitively line up a male friend behind their boyfriend's back, as a kind of unconscious safety net in case their present relationship fails.

PLAY THE POPULAR IMAGE the strategy for increasing Popularity

2008-01-16T07:15:00.000-08:00

“Popular Image” is a strategy that some guys use to meet women. They play the surfer boy, the rich fraternity boy, the jock, the handsome executive, the fun blond, the rich prince, or whatever the prevalent popular image is, and then get associated with the “in” crowd in order to meet interesting people of the opposite sex.
An unknown musician once did an experiment on popularity. He printed a fake brochure saying how great and popular his unknown band was, and then stood outside the doors of someone else's rock concert and handed out the brochures as people exited the concert. In a short while, the previously unknown musician had a large following, and signed with an agent, and was doing his own concerts.
Scientists have studied this phenomenon by testing brand loyalty and consumer buying patterns. They found that when it comes to consumer attraction, it doesn't matter which product works the best or has the best price. Consumers on average are most attracted to products when they learn that the products are popular. In other words, people innately follow fads and fashion. They “join the act” once something or someone is popular. In this way, popular products get even more popular. It's almost common sense, and we have a lot of sayings that reflect this. “The rich get richer. Everybody loves a winner. It takes credit to make credit.” Conversely, the poor get poorer and the unpopular get more unpopular.
The same principle can be used to attract the opposite sex. You can test this yourself. Go to the nearest department store that has some female clerks, and act like you need some help. Smile, act nice, be yourself. Notice how many times they give you eye contact or friendly gestures. Now wait a few weeks (to give them time to forget your face) and go to the same department store with a relative of the same age and opposite sex or a friend who looks like they could be your romantic partner. See how much service you get, and count the eye contact or friendly gestures. You will find that the adage is true; you are much more attractive to other people if it looks as if you already have an admirer (your friend).
The implication of this is astounding. It means that guys who have girlfriends or wives stand an infinitely betterchance of attracting new women than single guys who are saving themselves for “the right girl,” since guys with wives or girlfriends already have a following. It reminds me of my friend George who used to complain, “I know this great girl who never even notices me. But she always complains about how flirtatious her boyfriend is with other women, and how he sometimes cheats on her.” George's dream girl never notices him because George is never seen with girls around him (he's saving himself for “the right person”). At the same time, the dream girl's boyfriend Steven steadily increases in popularity. Every time other girls see Steven and his girl together, Steven's popularity suddenly soars. As his popularity increases, Steven gets even more attention from other women and more chances to cheat.
Put simply, the best way for a man to increase his chances with new women is to always be seen with a woman, preferably a wife or girlfriend.

Ten surefire ways to get depressed and feel miserable and nauseous:

2008-01-09T13:35:00.000-08:00

Go dancing at a nightclub by yourself.
Go to a movie at night by yourself.
Call up old flames and try to get them to go out with you.
Try to introduce yourself to bar or restaurant staff.
Answer suspicious personal ads.
Buy clothing that doesn’t match your personality in order to be more attractive.
Tag along at parties where you don’t know most of thepeople.
Watch romantic movies or read romantic books.
Watch other people who look happy.
Become a groupie of a rock star, Hollywood star, or sports hero.

Ten surefire ways to beat loneliness, in order of preference:

2008-01-09T13:31:00.001-08:00

Get a friend or girlfriend, any old female friend. Settle for someone who is less than perfect; a “filler.” If you’re on the rebound from a broken relationship, make sure the new partner doesn’t look or act like the old one.
Do some volunteer work for a nonprofit club, for example, adult literacy, beach cleanup, etc. There’s no quicker way to feel happy than to see and help people who are less fortunate than yourself. Plus, nonprofit clubs are a good way to meet happy people. Peers don’t volunteer for these activities unless they are motivated and upbeat.
Get involved in an exhausting project. That way you’ll be too busy to think about loneliness. Do something you like.
If you’re a Christian, join a bible study group, church group, or Christian singles group. These groups are normally filled with nice people, and they organize plenty of activities whereby you can get to know people.
If you’re not a Christian, join another club. Clubs have people who have the same interests as you do, and they also organize activities. Some examples might be language clubs, travel clubs, social dance clubs, rockclimbing, or hiking, or public speaking clubs. (These could also be classes).
Take a night class or a weekend class. You might learn something fun, work on an advanced university degree, and bump into new people at the same time.
Find an IRC chat line or VP chat line on the Internet and start chatting. People often meet new friends online and get together after hours.
Get on the Internet. Access www.internationalpenpals.com, www.cyberfriends.com, or www.excite.com/directory/people_and_chat/pen_pals and get an email pal. You can also join an online community, using a search engine to look up several.
Look in the backs of magazines or on the Internet for snail mail penpals.
Go traveling. It’s easy to meet fellow travelers, but this is mostly a short term solution. If you don’t have the budget for international travel, then get a dog, and walk it a lot. Not only do pets cheer you up, but you’ll meet all your neighbors, get plenty of exercise, be fairly safe from muggers, and you’ll have a best friend for life.

How to Beat Loneliness

2008-01-09T13:25:00.000-08:00

We all get lonely. A relative visits every year and always asks you the same question-- do you have a girlfriend yet? You go to a restaurant alone, and people stare. You go to a theater to watch a movie alone, and people stare. Your life seems empty and you feel unfulfilled. Your parents and relatives gossip about your nonexistent love life behind your back. You tell a friend about your life and the friend replies, “you need to get out more.” You look out the window down
the street, and you see happy smiling couples, and it makes you feel depressed, like you want to sleep or have a beer. Sound familiar? It should. Every one feels lonely at times. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t.
But the good news is, it’s not permanent, and it’s curable. But before you start accusing yourself of being a failure, pick up a newspaper and look at the personal ads.They're full of lonely people. Then go to a store and look at the magazine rack. Check out the classified advertisement sections in back of the magazines. Get on the Internet and access IRC Chat or VP Chat. Full of lonely people, no doubt! Go to the store and then look at all the front covers of all the major women's magazines-- they all have an article or two on the things a (lonely) woman might possibly do to attract a relationship. If you look around you hard enough, you'll find advertisements for matchmaking services, video dating, computer dating, and phone services for lonely people. Prince Charles was lonely. Lady Diana was lonely. Celebrities are lonely and unfulfilled. Everyone’s lonely. Nobody’s getting what they really want.
I have a friend who recently graduated from college and applied for a job as an engineer. There were only 3 job openings and 400 people applied for the job. He didn't get the job, and he tried to convince me that it was his fault that he didn't get the job. He only had a 3/400ths chance of
winning-- but he said it was his fault. Maybe we're all like my friend. We all act as if everybody else has the perfect partner except us. But I challenge you to visit 50 friends. Take a look at the parents of these friends, and then ask yourself how many of these people are what you consider attractive? How many would you personally marry? Chances are, none of these people have the perfect mate. Everyone has settled for less than perfect.
Society doesn't give us good odds. On TV people are portrayed as good-looking confident free individuals, and they casually walk up to complete strangers and introduce themselves without causing suspicion. But in real life society, a lone man couldn’t walk up to an attractive woman without arousing thoughts such as, “Maybe he's an emotionally insecure person,” or “maybe he has no friends, or he could be a psycho, a possible stalker, a weirdo.” In real life people are locked into cliques-- small social groups at school or family or at work, and normally they only interact with these few people. Only by networking within these cliques can a stranger meet additional friends.
There’s also the opportunity factor. It is said that most people meet their life partner in school. But many people have to work part time to pay for school. They study long hours to graduate, and then take jobs in hard studying fields such as engineering. They never get the chance to meet partners or learn the ins and outs of courting. They may have money, but that's all they have. There are millions of lonely people out there merely because life didn't give them much
chance to meet people. So now that we know the odds of escaping loneliness are very slim-- the question is, what should we do about it?

Relationships: What We All Want 2

2008-01-09T13:19:00.000-08:00

The game of love is a lot more complicated than sex. Do men only want one thing- - sex? No. If it were true that men only wanted one thing, then all men would be visiting prostitutes. Do all women want one thing-- sex? If that were true then all women would be visiting gigolos. Men and women are two completely different creatures that must come together in a relationship.
In The Canterbury Tales, (specifically “The Wife of Bath”) Chaucer implies that what women want is power over men. The reason why some girls at dance clubs dress in attractive outfits yet don't dance with anyone (instead, they reject all the men who ask) is because they like the feeling of power that goes along with beauty. They want to feel like princesses. The reason why my old roommate Samantha accepted gifts, dinner invitations, and theater dates from men
whom she had no intention of ever loving was to stoke her ego, and to feed her curiosity. She never loved these guys; she saw them more like a fan club. After all, people shower celebrities with dinners and gifts, and the celebrities feel no obligation to give anything to their fans in return. And who knows? She was hoping some day she might actually meet someone interesting.
Girls want to be seen as nice. They are raised to be nice. The reason why secretary Marie never firmly refused her boss’ advances is because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. The reason why Patty never straightforwardly voiced her dissatisfaction with Steve’s smoking (her boyfriend of 10 years) was because she wanted to avoid conflict. The reason why many girls in dance clubs say, “Maybe later” when they actually mean, “no” is because they don't want to sound cruel. At the same time, men are seriously misled by these actions. Girls want to feel secure. One reason why many girls treasure tall men is because they want to feel physically secure. One reason why beautiful young women go after ugly, old rich men is because they want to feel financially secure. One reason why high school girls fall in love with stereotypical jocks is because they want to feel socially secure; they want to lock themselves in a position of status. The disproportionate amount of women in poor countries who fall in love with rich foreigners is probably due to a
subconscious desire for physical, financial, and status security. Sometimes women are even willing to marry people they don't love, especially if the man is a good provider, and the women are aging.
Men, on the other hand, are obsessive, optimistic idealists. Traditionally, men have been raised on romance stories and movies, and every time they feel lonely, somebody is sure to advise them, “you need a girlfriend.” Hormone driven, they spend a large portion of their young lives obsessed with female beauty and looking for somebody to fall in love with. They will spend, stalk and spy if they have to.
Their attraction to women is not only physical. It’s psychological; they want a beautiful woman to have faith in them. As children men could always go back to Mom for moral support when the going got rough, and as adults they believe that the perfect relationship will be a shelter from all problems and a support for all goals. As a result, the perfect wife, aside from being beautiful to satisfy physical cravings, is someone to come home to after battling the world. In addition to being pretty, the perfect wife is a “mommy figure,” who will lovingly steer their husband in the right direction, a direction which is good for the man, but too daunting for him to accomplish alone without emotional support from her. An interesting side note to the “mommy figure” who
lovingly steers them in the right direction is that men will love and respect any woman who acts this role, regardless of the relationship- - girlfriend, grandmother, friend, boss, employee, or wife. For example, a beautiful woman who is straightforward with a man during rejection and steers him in the right direction is respected unconditionally. But a beautiful woman who presents mixed signals is considered a “tease” and is disrespected.
In sum, men and women each want something out of a relationship; they each have their own agenda. Men have their “perfect object” and “mommy” complex. Women have the four criteria (height, social status, physical attraction, and security) in addition to the psychological baggage of always trying to appear kind, and the temptation to use intimacy for control. These hidden needs drive our search for the perfect partner.
It’s very important to understand these needs, to know what’s going on in this game. If you’re a woman, you could be the nicest person in the world, but if you’re overweight, you’re not the “perfect object” men are looking for and may be treated cruelly. Or, you could be beautiful, but if you don’t know how to steer the men around you wisely, you’ll soon be disrespected and treated like an object or even hated by embittered, rejected men. If you’re a man, and you don’t have height, status, good looks, or money, you could end up lonely. In addition, women could unwittingly be playing cruel head games with you, by seeming “kind” and allowing you to do things for them that feed their own egos, with no intention of going out with you. The romance game is not always happy, but it can be very happy only if you know the hidden rules of the game.

Relationships: What We All Want 1

2008-01-09T13:12:00.001-08:00

Love is a complicated process. At the first hint of finding the perfect woman, men go into an excited, passionate obsession-- a feeling like floating on air, or speeding through a fascinating tunnel, with no need for food, drink, or rest. The men become blind to all imperfections in the women. They “put their partner on a pedestal” envisioning her as perfect. Their passion also makes the men's emotions extremely sensitive to the women. Minor words or deeds on the part of the women will produce euphoria or depression in the men.
Once a man establishes a stable relationship with a woman, things go “back to normal.” The man acts considerably less “romantic.” He has established his emotional security blanket so there seems to be no need for further action. If, while the man is still in love, the woman rejects him, he will experience a painful and depressing heart break, and then fall bitterly out of love in about two years. If, while the man is in love, the woman moves away or is otherwise taken from him, the man will never truly fall out of love, and his grief may last for years. If the relationship lasts, then in about four years the man will naturally “fall out of love.” Then his hormonal levels will go back to normal, and the relationship will depend more on long-term mutual feelings than on “magic” or passion. That’s why people make public marriage vows- - to bolster the relationship,
knowing that the feeling of being in love will one day fade. Marriage is forever; it’s not just until the feeling is gone.
For women, on the other hand, love is a much more material and logical process. Based on height, status, physical attraction, and financial security, women select a partner from a batch of available suitors. Women do fall in love, but not to the same degree, not with the single minded obsession that men do. They hope that the partner will supply them with status within the community, enough material wealth for a reasonable standard of living, and support (usually financial) for the children. The women also seek control over the men, using intimacy as leverage, instead of controlling by physical power.
Personally I think men need to be more understanding of women; men need to share more of their power with women, instead of being macho, patronizing, overly chivalrous, and pedestalizing. On the other hand, I also think women need to understand that men are emotionally much more sensitive than women. Thus, it is much more humane to be firm and break a man's heart early than to let him get his hopes up only to waste away in anguish or vindictiveness. Because women control intimacy, they need to realize the extraordinary emotional power they have over men-- and that with this power comes a responsibility to steer men in the right direction.

Sensate Focus Takes You into Your Body

2007-08-16T21:31:00.000-07:00

For many people, sex in an ongoing relationship has a way of becoming a bit routine. Are you concerned because something that was once so charged and passionate has lost a lot of its punch? Are you always searching for new fantasies to keep the fire alive? Well, sensate focus is going to change all of that.

I think that one of the main reasons sex loses its spark is because of the way we all rush through the process. As far as I'm concerned, most people are having sex too darn fast. It seems as though everyone is in such a hurry to get to the point of orgasm that they are missing all of the wonderful things that happen to their body, and to their partner's body, along the way. If you want to make your sex life more exciting and more erotic, I think the very first thing you need to do is stop rushing. And that's where sensate focus comes in.
Sensate focus techniques slow you down. They take you into your body and into your partner's body in ways you have probably neverexperienced before. I think fantasies are wonderful, but fantasies tend to take us out of our bodies and into our heads. Sometimes, I think that can be the wrong direction. Personally, I think that what we really need to enhance our experience of sex is not more fantasy, but a much bigger dose of reality. Sensate focus gives you that reality. It focuses your attention and your energy and lets you appreciate every single erotic nuance of your arousal and your partner's arousal. To me, that's the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Play by the Rules
Before we begin, you need to know the three of sensate focus:
RULE 1: Pay attention to exactly where you are touching or where you are being touched. Try to stay as focused as possible.
RULE 2: Stay in the here and now. Don't think about what happened last week or what could happen next Thursday. Try to let go of anything that is not happening at this very moment.
RULE 3: Don't put any pressure on yourself. If you're working with a partner, don't put any pressure on her either. Sex therapists call this "nondemand interaction." I will call the sensate focus exercises "demand-free" or "pressure-free" exercises. There are no grades here, no good and bad, no right or wrong, just touching and being touched.