Relationships: What We All Want 2

The game of love is a lot more complicated than sex. Do men only want one thing- - sex? No. If it were true that men only wanted one thing, then all men would be visiting prostitutes. Do all women want one thing-- sex? If that were true then all women would be visiting gigolos. Men and women are two completely different creatures that must come together in a relationship.
In The Canterbury Tales, (specifically “The Wife of Bath”) Chaucer implies that what women want is power over men. The reason why some girls at dance clubs dress in attractive outfits yet don't dance with anyone (instead, they reject all the men who ask) is because they like the feeling of power that goes along with beauty. They want to feel like princesses. The reason why my old roommate Samantha accepted gifts, dinner invitations, and theater dates from men
whom she had no intention of ever loving was to stoke her ego, and to feed her curiosity. She never loved these guys; she saw them more like a fan club. After all, people shower celebrities with dinners and gifts, and the celebrities feel no obligation to give anything to their fans in return. And who knows? She was hoping some day she might actually meet someone interesting.
Girls want to be seen as nice. They are raised to be nice. The reason why secretary Marie never firmly refused her boss’ advances is because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. The reason why Patty never straightforwardly voiced her dissatisfaction with Steve’s smoking (her boyfriend of 10 years) was because she wanted to avoid conflict. The reason why many girls in dance clubs say, “Maybe later” when they actually mean, “no” is because they don't want to sound cruel. At the same time, men are seriously misled by these actions. Girls want to feel secure. One reason why many girls treasure tall men is because they want to feel physically secure. One reason why beautiful young women go after ugly, old rich men is because they want to feel financially secure. One reason why high school girls fall in love with stereotypical jocks is because they want to feel socially secure; they want to lock themselves in a position of status. The disproportionate amount of women in poor countries who fall in love with rich foreigners is probably due to a
subconscious desire for physical, financial, and status security. Sometimes women are even willing to marry people they don't love, especially if the man is a good provider, and the women are aging.
Men, on the other hand, are obsessive, optimistic idealists. Traditionally, men have been raised on romance stories and movies, and every time they feel lonely, somebody is sure to advise them, “you need a girlfriend.” Hormone driven, they spend a large portion of their young lives obsessed with female beauty and looking for somebody to fall in love with. They will spend, stalk and spy if they have to.
Their attraction to women is not only physical. It’s psychological; they want a beautiful woman to have faith in them. As children men could always go back to Mom for moral support when the going got rough, and as adults they believe that the perfect relationship will be a shelter from all problems and a support for all goals. As a result, the perfect wife, aside from being beautiful to satisfy physical cravings, is someone to come home to after battling the world. In addition to being pretty, the perfect wife is a “mommy figure,” who will lovingly steer their husband in the right direction, a direction which is good for the man, but too daunting for him to accomplish alone without emotional support from her. An interesting side note to the “mommy figure” who
lovingly steers them in the right direction is that men will love and respect any woman who acts this role, regardless of the relationship- - girlfriend, grandmother, friend, boss, employee, or wife. For example, a beautiful woman who is straightforward with a man during rejection and steers him in the right direction is respected unconditionally. But a beautiful woman who presents mixed signals is considered a “tease” and is disrespected.
In sum, men and women each want something out of a relationship; they each have their own agenda. Men have their “perfect object” and “mommy” complex. Women have the four criteria (height, social status, physical attraction, and security) in addition to the psychological baggage of always trying to appear kind, and the temptation to use intimacy for control. These hidden needs drive our search for the perfect partner.
It’s very important to understand these needs, to know what’s going on in this game. If you’re a woman, you could be the nicest person in the world, but if you’re overweight, you’re not the “perfect object” men are looking for and may be treated cruelly. Or, you could be beautiful, but if you don’t know how to steer the men around you wisely, you’ll soon be disrespected and treated like an object or even hated by embittered, rejected men. If you’re a man, and you don’t have height, status, good looks, or money, you could end up lonely. In addition, women could unwittingly be playing cruel head games with you, by seeming “kind” and allowing you to do things for them that feed their own egos, with no intention of going out with you. The romance game is not always happy, but it can be very happy only if you know the hidden rules of the game.