Love is a complicated process. At the first hint of finding the perfect woman, men go into an excited, passionate obsession-- a feeling like floating on air, or speeding through a fascinating tunnel, with no need for food, drink, or rest. The men become blind to all imperfections in the women. They “put their partner on a pedestal” envisioning her as perfect. Their passion also makes the men's emotions extremely sensitive to the women. Minor words or deeds on the part of the women will produce euphoria or depression in the men.
Once a man establishes a stable relationship with a woman, things go “back to normal.” The man acts considerably less “romantic.” He has established his emotional security blanket so there seems to be no need for further action. If, while the man is still in love, the woman rejects him, he will experience a painful and depressing heart break, and then fall bitterly out of love in about two years. If, while the man is in love, the woman moves away or is otherwise taken from him, the man will never truly fall out of love, and his grief may last for years. If the relationship lasts, then in about four years the man will naturally “fall out of love.” Then his hormonal levels will go back to normal, and the relationship will depend more on long-term mutual feelings than on “magic” or passion. That’s why people make public marriage vows- - to bolster the relationship,
knowing that the feeling of being in love will one day fade. Marriage is forever; it’s not just until the feeling is gone.
For women, on the other hand, love is a much more material and logical process. Based on height, status, physical attraction, and financial security, women select a partner from a batch of available suitors. Women do fall in love, but not to the same degree, not with the single minded obsession that men do. They hope that the partner will supply them with status within the community, enough material wealth for a reasonable standard of living, and support (usually financial) for the children. The women also seek control over the men, using intimacy as leverage, instead of controlling by physical power.
Personally I think men need to be more understanding of women; men need to share more of their power with women, instead of being macho, patronizing, overly chivalrous, and pedestalizing. On the other hand, I also think women need to understand that men are emotionally much more sensitive than women. Thus, it is much more humane to be firm and break a man's heart early than to let him get his hopes up only to waste away in anguish or vindictiveness. Because women control intimacy, they need to realize the extraordinary emotional power they have over men-- and that with this power comes a responsibility to steer men in the right direction.
Once a man establishes a stable relationship with a woman, things go “back to normal.” The man acts considerably less “romantic.” He has established his emotional security blanket so there seems to be no need for further action. If, while the man is still in love, the woman rejects him, he will experience a painful and depressing heart break, and then fall bitterly out of love in about two years. If, while the man is in love, the woman moves away or is otherwise taken from him, the man will never truly fall out of love, and his grief may last for years. If the relationship lasts, then in about four years the man will naturally “fall out of love.” Then his hormonal levels will go back to normal, and the relationship will depend more on long-term mutual feelings than on “magic” or passion. That’s why people make public marriage vows- - to bolster the relationship,
knowing that the feeling of being in love will one day fade. Marriage is forever; it’s not just until the feeling is gone.
For women, on the other hand, love is a much more material and logical process. Based on height, status, physical attraction, and financial security, women select a partner from a batch of available suitors. Women do fall in love, but not to the same degree, not with the single minded obsession that men do. They hope that the partner will supply them with status within the community, enough material wealth for a reasonable standard of living, and support (usually financial) for the children. The women also seek control over the men, using intimacy as leverage, instead of controlling by physical power.
Personally I think men need to be more understanding of women; men need to share more of their power with women, instead of being macho, patronizing, overly chivalrous, and pedestalizing. On the other hand, I also think women need to understand that men are emotionally much more sensitive than women. Thus, it is much more humane to be firm and break a man's heart early than to let him get his hopes up only to waste away in anguish or vindictiveness. Because women control intimacy, they need to realize the extraordinary emotional power they have over men-- and that with this power comes a responsibility to steer men in the right direction.
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